Wednesday, August 8, 2018

Which Nationality is Portrayed as the Most Bad Ass in Hollywood?

As I was watching Atomic Blonde, I came to the realization that Russians are completely bad ass people (at least as they are portrayed in Hollywood). This raised a question, if aliens landed on Earth and we showed them only action movies, what nationality would they fear the most? For each one I chose a few movies or actors that represent their bad ass-ness the best, lets meet the contestants: Russia, Italy, America, Mexico, Germany, Albania, Japan, and China. Time to decide.





Russia
Atomic Blonde: The first movie to represent Russia is Atomic Blonde, which is a great movie and if you haven't seen it I recommend it. Charlize is a bad ass in this film but we are going to look at the bad guys here. Honestly, they are almost unstoppable. You can shoot them, beat the shit out of them, run them over, but if you don't shoot them in the head these dudes are coming back. Without giving to much away there is one scene where Charlize takes on four or five huge Russian dudes, she gets the crap kicked out of her but ultimately does the job. There is one guy in particular she does battle with for a solid three minutes, she beats his ass with the handle of a gun, he gets hit in the head with a glass flower vase, it's just a bad ass scene and when you think she is safe that MFer comes back and catches her car. This dude has to be some kind of cyborg.

John Wick: It doesn't get much better then Keanu as JW but we are going to discuss the bad guys again. These Russian mobsters are brutal, they kill the mans dog, steal his 1969 Mustang Mach and they can't seem to understand why he is pissed... I mean they killed the dudes dog ffs! The mobsters beat the crap out of Mr. Wick throughout the movie and their leader even puts a $2 million bounty on JW because he is causing them so much trouble. There are a few things you simply don't mess with, a man's dog or his old school car. These specific mobsters may not be spectacular at any one thing but they have a lot of weapons, man power, and know how to fight.

Mexican
I did not pick a particular movie here but any movie where the cartel is involved (think Sicario) or any Mexican gang (think End of Watch) they are some scary ass dudes. They are absolutely ruthless and will do anything to succeed in their goal, even if it means dying for the cause. Burying people in walls, using kids as drug mules, and then turning around to use their drug money to buy an incredible mansion on a beautiful spread of land. These are guys you don't want to mess with. They may not be great with hand to hand combat but they know their way around explosives and guns. Another thing I have noticed is their is always a leader of the group but everyone else is gunning for that spot, like I said they are insanely ruthless even if that means against their own group.

Albanian
Taken: I don't know any other movies with Albanian bad guys but there is no way I could leave this off the list. All the movies on this list are awesome and bad ass but this one takes the cake. Of course Liam is kick ass but think about the villains of this movie. These guys are kidnapping girls and selling them into sex slavery, it doesn't get much worse then that. They are no match for Liam but they put up a nasty fight and just don't give an F. These guys kidnap girls, drug them, sell them at an auction for sex slavery, and if the girls die, they die. I don't think our alien visitors would want their woman kidnapped and sold into sex slavery.

German
Die Hard: Was there any question what movie this would be? Arguably one of the greatest villains in cinematic history, the one and only HANS GRUBER!!!!!! When I think of Hans Gruber these words pop into my head: ruthless, intelligent, conniving, sly, and evil. His band of misfits wreak legit havoc on Christmas at Nakatomi Tower. They outwit Bruce Willis numerous times, they are good with guns, and in hand to hand combat. Hans is the ringleader and one of the smartest villains in movie history. He knows exactly what he wants and exactly how he is going to get it, he isn't afraid to sacrifice his own men either. The way he speaks is chilling and he is just a stone cold killer.




American
Clint Eastwood and John Wayne: Instead of picking a movie I picked two of the most bad ass American actors ever. Clint and John Wayne have done it all and have kicked serious ass in the process. Both are killer in hand to hand combat or with a gun, Mr. Wayne has some of the best knockouts in movie history. Clint has played some of the most well known roles and while he used a gun for most of them he isn't afraid to get down and dirty either. Clint is 88 now and there is still no way I would F with him. 





Chinese
Bruce Lee: Any movie featuring Bruce Lee is going to have two things, Bruce kicking ass and Bruce making some crazy ass screams as he kicks ass. He is arguably the most bad ass dude to ever live, it's like he was created in a lab. He kicked so much ass in such a short time and felt no remorse about it. He was a master with hand to hand combat and even if his enemies had weapons do you think it mattered? No chance. If I were in a dark alley and heard the noises Bruce Lee made, I would immediately fall to my knees and beg for mercy or play dead.

                                                Japanese
Oddjob: One of the most well known movie characters, this little bastard was a handful. He was deadly with that damn bowler hat and was loyal to the evil Goldfinger until the end. His real name is unknown, he doesn't speak, and is incredibly strong. You simply do not mess with Oddjob. In the video game Goldeneye for N64, he was sometimes banned in multiplayer mode because he was impossible to kill but he would destroy the other players.





Italian
The Godfather: The whole Corleone Family is pretty bad ass and one of the greatest film families ever. They are deeply loyal but don't cross them or you will have problems. Not much hand to hand combat is shown but they have the weaponry to cause anyone problems. Smart doesn't even begin to describe the heads of the family, they are usually four or five moves ahead of their enemies. The plans they conjure up are usually flawless and work to perfection. Tommy guns, car bombs, hand guns, shotguns, they have them all. If you are coming at the Corleone's you might want to think again.

The Untouchables: This film shows just how brutal the Italian mob and Al Capone could be. It came out in 1987 so if you haven't seen it then you deserve the spoiler. When they kill Sean Connery's character that is just savage. Capone had everyone on his payroll: cops, judges, politicians you name them Capone was probably paying them off. These guys cared about only one thing, money, and they did whatever they had to do to get it. Like the Corleone's they enjoyed using the tommy gun and they were deadly with them.


Alright so now that's out of the way who would our alien friends be most scared of? For me it's no contest, the Russians win in a landslide. These bastards are ruthless and impossible to kill unless you get them with a headshot. They will not stop until they accomplish the mission or they are dead. They know how to fight hand to hand or with basically any weapon. I think the aliens would be absolutely terrified of Russia as a whole and I definitely don't blame them. The aliens would probably take over the rest of the world but leave Russia to do their own thing just so they didn't have to mess with them. I guarantee any action movie that features Russian's they are going to be tough SOBs and refuse to go down without a fight. They will kick serious ass.

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